11.15am
Today I'm pissed off. My department is moving to a new building. I spent last Friday working stupidly hard to get everything packed for the department which set off my endometriosos pain. I was told I could go into the new building to start unpacking the department on Tuesday but then was told the lift wasn't working so couldn't. Then told the lift was fixed and I could go in Wednesday morning. Turned up and the site manager knew nothing about staff arriving today. I'm having to use up my holiday entitlement for this and drove an hour home from mums yesterday to go back to work. Instead, I cycle to work, get sent away and told that some stuff still needs packing in the old building. Go back to the old building, get everything packed and now I'm home and my back is hurting.
Also, woke up with horrendous anxiety this morning. I think it's because I haven't taken codeine in a day or two. Going to continue to try and stay off it and just use over the counter co-codamol unless I'm in bad pain. I have diazepam to help me through.
However, on a positive note, I'm now under 9st according to my scales.
8.30pm
I think my posts are going to be short and sweet for the rest of the week as it will be very busy with my halloween party and work. Tonight I have done an online shop to order all the food. Yesterday morning was great, took my nephew to watch Hotel Transylvania 2. Had my CBT session today. She told me to work on communicating with B over things that get to me. Tried the discussion tonight but it didn't go overly well....he still thinks it's perfectly acceptable to start eating makerel in bed next to me while I'm sleeping. Would any of you feel like this is ok? So once again, at logger heads. It's so frustrating. Not really had much to eat today, just don't feel like it. Not sure if it's the depression. I'm struggling a bit at the moment.
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
Monday, 26 October 2015
Feeling exhausted
12.00pm
I've slept quite well the past couple nights but I'm still exhausted to the point where I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. It's a constant battle to ever be able to do anything. I should be doing my teaching stuff but I'm just too tired. I'm crossing all my fingers that the blood test shows up something.
I'm struggling being at mums. Everything reminds me of dad but I can't show how I feel because mum struggles enough as it is. I know bottling it up for 3-4 days is going to have its repercussions.
8.30pm
I went to dads grave and sobbed my heart out. I came back and had to take diazepam so I didn't turn into a state in front of mum. Now I'm in a lot of pain with my endometriosis so I'm sofa bound with a hot water bottle, my beautiful border collie Skye that never leaves my side (unless she see's a squirrel, in which case, the dog knows no bounds!) and just taken tramadol and codeine. Counting down the seconds until the painkillers kick in. I'd say the pain is a constant 6-7 out of 10 at the moment. I feel completely miserable =(
10.30pm
It's been 2 hours since I took a max dose of painkillers and I'm still in pain of 4-5 out of 10. I just hope I can get to sleep with it.
I've slept quite well the past couple nights but I'm still exhausted to the point where I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. It's a constant battle to ever be able to do anything. I should be doing my teaching stuff but I'm just too tired. I'm crossing all my fingers that the blood test shows up something.
I'm struggling being at mums. Everything reminds me of dad but I can't show how I feel because mum struggles enough as it is. I know bottling it up for 3-4 days is going to have its repercussions.
8.30pm
I went to dads grave and sobbed my heart out. I came back and had to take diazepam so I didn't turn into a state in front of mum. Now I'm in a lot of pain with my endometriosis so I'm sofa bound with a hot water bottle, my beautiful border collie Skye that never leaves my side (unless she see's a squirrel, in which case, the dog knows no bounds!) and just taken tramadol and codeine. Counting down the seconds until the painkillers kick in. I'd say the pain is a constant 6-7 out of 10 at the moment. I feel completely miserable =(
10.30pm
It's been 2 hours since I took a max dose of painkillers and I'm still in pain of 4-5 out of 10. I just hope I can get to sleep with it.
Sunday, 25 October 2015
Birthday meal with family
6.00pm
Had a birthday meal out with family today and that included M. Having M there is a great boost and since she is also doing slimming world, it made it very easy to choose the right options. I went food shopping after to get lots of food for this diet. I have soooo much fruit, veg and low fat dairy that I will never go hungry. I just don't understand how I will be able to eat so muc (I'm never hungry) and still lose weight. I guess the scales will tell. I'm not even close to giving up yet as it's so easy. And in a week or two, I'm hoping I feel healthier too. I haven't had alcohol since wednesday night so I'm going to treat myself tonight to a few rum and cokes.
I slept for 12 hours last night and I'm feeling much better for it today. I must have been very exhausted. Going for another early and chilled night tonight I think. Then hopefully tomorrow, I'll be able to get into the groove of doing a day of my teaching stuff. Spent time with my lovely nephew this afternoon and played rugby. He had such fun and he's such a lovely boy. I'm proud to be his aunty. Same goes for my niece even though she's so grown up.
At the moment, on the whole, I'm feeling ok but that could quickly change.
Had a birthday meal out with family today and that included M. Having M there is a great boost and since she is also doing slimming world, it made it very easy to choose the right options. I went food shopping after to get lots of food for this diet. I have soooo much fruit, veg and low fat dairy that I will never go hungry. I just don't understand how I will be able to eat so muc (I'm never hungry) and still lose weight. I guess the scales will tell. I'm not even close to giving up yet as it's so easy. And in a week or two, I'm hoping I feel healthier too. I haven't had alcohol since wednesday night so I'm going to treat myself tonight to a few rum and cokes.
I slept for 12 hours last night and I'm feeling much better for it today. I must have been very exhausted. Going for another early and chilled night tonight I think. Then hopefully tomorrow, I'll be able to get into the groove of doing a day of my teaching stuff. Spent time with my lovely nephew this afternoon and played rugby. He had such fun and he's such a lovely boy. I'm proud to be his aunty. Same goes for my niece even though she's so grown up.
At the moment, on the whole, I'm feeling ok but that could quickly change.
Saturday, 24 October 2015
Busy days - good or bad?
9.15am
I have been so busy that once again I haven't been able to blog. It's not that I'm getting bored of blogging (I'm still enjoying it and finding it helpful), but finding the time is tough as my job is very busy at the moment. Yesterday was spent packing like crazy as it was the last day we were able to pack up the entire department, ready for the removal men on Monday. The physical activity set off my endometriosis so I was once again on codeine and tramadol. I went to bed at 9pm last night and got up at 9am this morning. I very much needed that sleep after the really rough week I had of very little sleep. Still feeling as though I could sleep more though, but I can't. I have to get to mums today to help her out for the next 3 days. I don't know how I'm going to cope when I'm feeling so exhausted. Exhaustion definitely makes my depression worse and causes the meltdowns. Went to the doctors yesterday and they gave me more diazepam to get me through and I booked myself in for a blood test. Hopefully something will show on the blood test that is causing my fatigue and is easily treatable. I also have loads and loads of my teaching stuff to catch up on and I don't know how I'm going to do that at mums as she's quite clingy and wants help with things all the time.
I started Slimming World on Thursday and I love doing something with my best friend. We'll be able to motivate each other. I found yesterday hard as I woke up, realising there were no 'free' foods in the house! So I had to take an impromptu trip to tesco's on my way back from the doctors. It's strange that I'm able to eat as much as I want of the 'free' foods and that I don't have to count calories. I'm skeptical as to whether it's going to work for me as I'm not technically overweight.
7.10pm
This morning was spent going to pick up a second hand fridge freezer. This involved getting it up 3 floors to our flat. Now we have enough fridge and freezer space to store lots of fruit, veg and meals for the week. This is going to make SW so much easier. I then drove to mums and pretty much immediately fell asleep on the sofa. Feeling so exhausted today. I don't know if it's the last week catching up on me because I slept 11 hours last night. When I fell asleep on the sofa today, it was awful. I was dreaming that I could barely move and was trying to get help. I got so distressed and has caused my anxiety to increase. I'm in a lot of pain from my endometriosis, taken codeine but it hasn't work. And I'm lightly bleeding too which only happens when I get really stressed. I didn't eat today until 4pm, I just wasn't hungry and so far I've only had 2 syns. There's nothing in mums house that are syns that I want and I haven't had a healthy B option yet either. I'll go shopping tomorrow and try to get some low syn treats. I have my birthday meal tomorrow with the family so I can go all out on syns as I've only had 7 in two days.
I have been so busy that once again I haven't been able to blog. It's not that I'm getting bored of blogging (I'm still enjoying it and finding it helpful), but finding the time is tough as my job is very busy at the moment. Yesterday was spent packing like crazy as it was the last day we were able to pack up the entire department, ready for the removal men on Monday. The physical activity set off my endometriosis so I was once again on codeine and tramadol. I went to bed at 9pm last night and got up at 9am this morning. I very much needed that sleep after the really rough week I had of very little sleep. Still feeling as though I could sleep more though, but I can't. I have to get to mums today to help her out for the next 3 days. I don't know how I'm going to cope when I'm feeling so exhausted. Exhaustion definitely makes my depression worse and causes the meltdowns. Went to the doctors yesterday and they gave me more diazepam to get me through and I booked myself in for a blood test. Hopefully something will show on the blood test that is causing my fatigue and is easily treatable. I also have loads and loads of my teaching stuff to catch up on and I don't know how I'm going to do that at mums as she's quite clingy and wants help with things all the time.
I started Slimming World on Thursday and I love doing something with my best friend. We'll be able to motivate each other. I found yesterday hard as I woke up, realising there were no 'free' foods in the house! So I had to take an impromptu trip to tesco's on my way back from the doctors. It's strange that I'm able to eat as much as I want of the 'free' foods and that I don't have to count calories. I'm skeptical as to whether it's going to work for me as I'm not technically overweight.
7.10pm
This morning was spent going to pick up a second hand fridge freezer. This involved getting it up 3 floors to our flat. Now we have enough fridge and freezer space to store lots of fruit, veg and meals for the week. This is going to make SW so much easier. I then drove to mums and pretty much immediately fell asleep on the sofa. Feeling so exhausted today. I don't know if it's the last week catching up on me because I slept 11 hours last night. When I fell asleep on the sofa today, it was awful. I was dreaming that I could barely move and was trying to get help. I got so distressed and has caused my anxiety to increase. I'm in a lot of pain from my endometriosis, taken codeine but it hasn't work. And I'm lightly bleeding too which only happens when I get really stressed. I didn't eat today until 4pm, I just wasn't hungry and so far I've only had 2 syns. There's nothing in mums house that are syns that I want and I haven't had a healthy B option yet either. I'll go shopping tomorrow and try to get some low syn treats. I have my birthday meal tomorrow with the family so I can go all out on syns as I've only had 7 in two days.
Thursday, 22 October 2015
Tough day
10.00am
So after last night, I feel like I'm in a pit of darkness. I feel so depressed. I am very busy today so I don't have time to write this morning but hopefully I'll be able to catch up later. I'm feeling very fragile. Just trying to keep living is sapping all my energy. However, I am feeling a tiny bit better after the Health and Safety Manager came to have a chat. He's a really lovely guy and we get on really well. I have to take any positives from today that I can.
So after last night, I feel like I'm in a pit of darkness. I feel so depressed. I am very busy today so I don't have time to write this morning but hopefully I'll be able to catch up later. I'm feeling very fragile. Just trying to keep living is sapping all my energy. However, I am feeling a tiny bit better after the Health and Safety Manager came to have a chat. He's a really lovely guy and we get on really well. I have to take any positives from today that I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)