8.30pm
R has encouraged me to blog again. I think there are a number of reasons why I've been avoiding it...
1) It makes it hit home how badly I'm coping.
2) I've had 3 jobs and working 6-7 days a week (60-70 hrs a week) to run away from my mental health but ruined my physical health in the process so dropped one of my jobs which was 15-20 hrs a week.
3) It makes me think about the issues I'm trying to run away from or bottle up.
I'm currently going through a group DBT therapy which lasts 14 weeks and is 2 hours per week. It is helping a little but there are certain aspects which I feel that I'm able to deal well with already such as interpersonal skills. That part of therapy is more geared at the angry and aggressive and I'm not like that at all. And I feel as though I already have a good way of communicating with people if I'm not happy with something. I'm just not good at communicating what I emotionally need unless it's my fiance. And on the whole, he's great but sometimes he feels unable to help me and pushes me aside. Completely understandable so DBT therapy need to understand that people can't be there for you 24/7. My other friends have their own issues or are very busy and I don't want to be burdening them. They encourage you to call the CRISIS team or the Samaritans but who wants to bare their soul and deepest darkest feelings with a stranger???
9.20pm
This will have to be continued another time. R is drunk and entering a deep conversation so will be off for now.
