Not really thinking

4.20pm

I met up with a friend today that I don't see very often. It really helps to talk to someone who suffers with similar difficulties. Although I've come away feeling more anxious because it's brought up things I tried to forget, it's allowed me to talk and get it out of my system. And I hope she felt the same. We had coffee, went to a museum and book shop. Sounds lame but it was fun. And I have this evening to look forward to as M is staying.

I am also feeling a little anxious because I just ate lunch for the first time in 9 days even though it was only 243 calories. But it will do me good and I need to get over it. Considered taking diazepam but it never does anything so I don't think there's much point. Plus I'm trying to get off the stuff.

I'm doing well so far this year. Watching my spending, had no alcohol, really cut down on codeine and had no tramadol or diazepam. 

My depression has also improved :)

11.50pm

7.00pm 
20mg Omeprazole
100mg tramadol

8.00pm
60mg codeine

I think because I ate lunch for the first time in 9 days, my stomach rebelled and my gastric reflux started so I had to take these pain killers. So this time I needed them and wasn't abusing them. The tramadol didn't work so used codeine as well. Still feeling uncomfortable with the reflux now. Going to take more paracetamol and Gaviscon now to hopefully curb it. 

Plan tomorrow is to be up by 10am and then by 11am, start my essay. This scares me but I need to atleast try it.

Had a great time with M and B tonight playing heads up and Havana. Can't wait for next time. For once I look forward to things and M says I seem more myself. And I'm not hiding and pretending things are fine anymore, so I must be getting a little better. But part of me thinks the control from restricting food is giving me a bit of happiness back. Had 2 small meals today and still hungry (maybe 600 cals?) but I'm feeling good. I'll revert back to normal slimming world eating soon, just want a weightloss boost at the moment to get under 8st (112lbs).