Weekends are different

9.00am

Porridge for breakfast

Last night with my friends was great fun. Only thing that ruined it for me was that I had this horrible uncomfortable pain in my stomach that radiated up to my left shoulder and down my left arm. I looked it up online and it could be another symptom of anxiety. Also, I had to take Naproxen and Codeine as I felt the endometriosis pain starting. I've realised now that I need to nip the pain in the bud quickly instead of soldiering on, as it only gets worse. I went to sleep last night thinking of dad. I was thinking; I can't have a meltdown as my friends are in the house so it was bottled up. I do bottling up alot, to the point where is comes out all in one angry mess that makes me feel suicidal. I'm working with my CBT therapist to try to not bottle things up and talk about it all more.

Crisps for lunch, cuppa soup and bread for snack. Due to have a 3 course meal this evening.

4.15pm

Just had to take one of my rats to the vet (I have 3 boys and i love them loads). One has racked up a £138 bill because he needs his teeth filing down. Who knew rats were so expensive! Wondering what my best friend is up to right now.

Midnight

Dinner = Soup, Quiche, Apple crumble and custard

I'm so tired. Just been to my boyfriends end of season cricket dinner. It's exhausting socialising with complete strangers when I'm socially inept. I find it so hard to hold conversations with people I don't know. It didn't help that, as usual, the pressure of socialising set off my endometriosis. I'm now at home curled up with a hot water bottle while he's out having a good time. He tends to go crazy on the alcohol at events like these and he acts quite selfish. He's allowed to have his fun but he has that stubborn look in his eye to say 'I'm going to do what I want tonight and I don't care what you think'. Especially when he's had a few where most would stop and he wants to carry on drinking. I guess it's his release from dealing with the depression crap that comes his way from me. I'm not horrible to him but he see's me feeling low and crying a lot of the time. I don't know why he puts up with it. So I've just let him go out and do his own thing and said I'd pick him up when he wants. Might have a nap as I'm so tired. The rats are running rings round me =)