My niece gets engaged before I do??

9.00am
1000mg paracetamol
16mg codeine
sudafed

10.00pm
1000mg paracetamol
16mg codeine
sudafed
20mg omeprazole

There's only 6 years between us but I've been with B 3 years longer. So me being me, automatically thinks there's something wrong with me. Then I think -

'Wait a minute, there is! My depression and endometriosis ruins everything, no wonder he doesn't want to marry me. He wants to give it time to see if I get better first. If I don't then I'm not a keeper.'

I'm happy for my niece, she's lovely and I love her dearly but her (now) fiance can be horrible to her. The other night I heard him calling her 'a fucking cunt'. There was a lot more that was said too in that kind of manner but I couldn't quite hear it.

I'm getting tired and grumpy. I've been averaging 400-600 cals a day for the past 3 days just to maintain control. I was going to have another bag of popcorn tonight at 64 cals and an apple but I don't want it after finding out my niece has got engaged. It's not that I'm jealous, it's that it makes me feel not good enough.

The lack of food is punishment for not being good enough. Hopefully, it'll start giving me that control to make me feel like I'm starting to be good enough.

On the other hand, I'm so glad to be home away from family. They were getting INCREDIBLY drunk every single night and I couldn't handle it anymore. After seeing a lifetime of what alcohol can do to a person and the family, it's made me realise I can't keep drinking like I do, even if it is secretly and doesn't affect anyone else. I had to stay away from them once they started drinking. They become self righteous after all the wrong they were doing and think their needs are so important while I sit silently suffering too.