Withdrawal.....again

11.30am

Opiate withdrawal sucks. I can have anything up to 500mg codeine a day and I've had about 130mg since Tuesday (around 45mg a day). I'm trying to taper myself off but I'm still withdrawing. I am so tired today from insomnia last night. I don't feel like doing anything today but I have the responsibility of walking the dog and getting the shopping. I just feel completely drained.

I have next week off sick and I'm going to get the following week (last week of term) off too. But that means I miss out on 2 work christmas meals. Kind of feel like it's discrimination because if I had a broken leg, they would allow me to come along but because it's mental health, they won't let me.

I'm thinking the medications may have damaged my liver or gall bladder as I get daily pain in that area and the doctor indicated I could have something wrong with my gall bladder after the acid reflux.

I had my appointment yesterday with the consultant about my endometriosis surgery. I have to have hormone blocker injections for 3 months before so it's going to worsen my depression for that time. I'm gutted. All this hard work I'm putting in now may be for nothing when I go back down hill in those 3 months. And then after that, I have to recover from surgery, possibly a bowel resection and if I'm unlucky, I will have to have a stoma fitted. I have a creepy consultant too, he keeps staring at my chest so I zipped my fleece up to my neck. Turns out, he's the one doing the surgery. I'll be naked and I can just see him taking a sneaky peek under the operating cloth. Not only that, he'll have access to my downstairs region! Every time I sit in the waiting room to see the consultant, everyone is always there with their partners. I'm always sat alone and it makes me feel lonely. People look at me as if they feel sorry for me because they think I'm pregnant with no father around or that I got pregnant from a one night stand. (The waiting room is also for prenatal women).